Ranting about nothing

I had a hard day today although at the same time. Good day, I had a job interview I don't feel went well and than I was late for a hair appointment. I hate being late I just hate it. 

Than things turned for the good, met up with my mum and we went for food and spoke about how my counciling was going. She told me today that she has seen a change in my spirit and how the last 5 years just seemed lifted from off of my shoulders. I feel spritualy strong but unfortunately I'm not the confident person I use to be. 

I'm writing this outside of institute, went in enjoyed the lessons given, but when it comes to the activity I just can't seem to get myself to stay. I don't feel comfortable enough to stay, it's something I'm trying to work on but I'm not sure how (any ideas would be great) 

My whole life I've been confident and strong independent, but since my last relationship I'm not. I lost who I was and last year I was on my way to finding myself and I did I found who I am now. Unfortunately I'm a tad damaged (hence counciling) so being able to be around others is something I'm struggling with, I beat myself up because I can't do it, my mind doesn't let me, I start to freak out and leave. I custom myself from getting to know people I've become so good at one on one that I don't remember how to say hi my names Mormongirl and I'm gonna hang for a while. 

Yeah if lost it. There is a guy there who I get on with but I, not sure what his deal is one minuet he wants to hang the next he bails on me so Its hit and miss with him. Than there is another guy who I get on with in choir practise but he just kinda wonders around when we are in institute. When my sister comes I feel Little more comfortable but not enough to let myself go. 

I don't know anyone I've just found who I am and I'm trying to fix it how am I suppose to befriend people I don't even want to be around? 

Well I've done enough self pity I think for one night, sorry if started using this blog as like my online secret/not so secret journal. My bad , it hopefully won't be all dome and gloom haha

Night from sunny wales -Mormongirl 

Since I've been gone

So the last few months have been crazy to say the least, 

Went to Canada = Amazing!!  I loved it so much there I've decided at some point in my life I would like to go over and live there. The people are so friendly the towns are clean the language is clean, it was so refreshing to walk down the street and not hear swearing or insulting language. Although I would miss the mountains and hill (Canada is wayyyy flat) the way of living makes up for that. I went to a yang single adults ward while over there and it was weird! I missed the noisy children during the meeting the spirit was different, not in a bad way at all it was just different to me. I only ever gone to church with children there so it was weird for me. 

I love the food it was so good although I will say that jurky is nasty stuff, how any one can eat it is beyond me, (odd people hahaha) 

Since being back from canada I'm no longer working in the care home unfortunately if been diagnosed with OCD. It's now become. Pretty big problem in my life I had OCD tendancy's sur everyone does. But unfortunately mine have taken over my life in a big way I'm now in counciling. I really want to get a hold of this before it's too much. 

I still live currently with my sister and her family, but I'm looking to move out, realising I'm in need of my own space, I have job interviews coming up so hopefully once I have another job I'll be able to afford a flat. I loved living with my sister and her family, getting to watch my niece and nephew start to walk or to put sentences together has Been awesome. But it's now time for me to move on. 

I have been called as the first councilor In the young women's programme in my branch as well as the YSA rep, these callings do keep me busy, I love the distraction they give me. Not just that they also have helped in realise how much I need to learn patience and charity. I love my young women I love each and every one of them so much. They carry such a special sprint with them, it's catching.

I look forward to working with them this year and helping them grow and enter the temple in a weeks time to do baptisms for the dead. 

As a YSA rep I love getting together with the YSA here and just hanging out it's been such a hard time for me the last few years it's nice to be around people who get me. 

I won't say I love trials the ones I'm having the ones I had and the ones still to happen, but what i will say is this- without going thru what we go thru without the trials I our life we wouldn't humble ourself half as much to ask for help from our Heavenly Father, nd this is something I know I need to do more so in times of trail.

I love where I am in my life regardless of my problems,I love how each day I wake to do scripture study that I will be blessed for it, I love the gospel with all my heart, I sustain our prophet Thomas S.Monson to be a prophet of god I'm great full for the prophet Joseph Smith who was give the tools he needed to translate the Book of Mormon. I'm great flu for my parents who raised me to be who I am today, I'm eternally greatfull to the saviour for atoning our sins and who made it possible for us to return to our father in heaven.