Than things turned for the good, met up with my mum and we went for food and spoke about how my counciling was going. She told me today that she has seen a change in my spirit and how the last 5 years just seemed lifted from off of my shoulders. I feel spritualy strong but unfortunately I'm not the confident person I use to be.
I'm writing this outside of institute, went in enjoyed the lessons given, but when it comes to the activity I just can't seem to get myself to stay. I don't feel comfortable enough to stay, it's something I'm trying to work on but I'm not sure how (any ideas would be great)
My whole life I've been confident and strong independent, but since my last relationship I'm not. I lost who I was and last year I was on my way to finding myself and I did I found who I am now. Unfortunately I'm a tad damaged (hence counciling) so being able to be around others is something I'm struggling with, I beat myself up because I can't do it, my mind doesn't let me, I start to freak out and leave. I custom myself from getting to know people I've become so good at one on one that I don't remember how to say hi my names Mormongirl and I'm gonna hang for a while.
Yeah if lost it. There is a guy there who I get on with but I, not sure what his deal is one minuet he wants to hang the next he bails on me so Its hit and miss with him. Than there is another guy who I get on with in choir practise but he just kinda wonders around when we are in institute. When my sister comes I feel Little more comfortable but not enough to let myself go.
I don't know anyone I've just found who I am and I'm trying to fix it how am I suppose to befriend people I don't even want to be around?
Well I've done enough self pity I think for one night, sorry if started using this blog as like my online secret/not so secret journal. My bad , it hopefully won't be all dome and gloom haha
Night from sunny wales -Mormongirl
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